Moving into Alignment - the Physical, Emotional and Mental Bodies

One of the more difficult and frustrating issues with my lack of a complete diagnosis is that there is no way to know if my physical health is going to get any better – or indeed, any worse. As those living with disability or chronic illness and pain know all too well, what happens in the physical body has an impact on the emotional and mental bodies too. Often it might feel like one is doing really well while the other two are off-kilter, or they switch around and then two are great but there’s that one bit that feels like holding you back. But when all three come together – it’s like magic, right? It’s those windows of time where everything feels possible and life flows easily and smoothly.

Those are the times when I feel that I am in alignment – and I don’t mean in the osteopathic sense. So what does being in alignment look and feel like? For me it’s a sense of connection between my physical, emotional and mental bodies, a more instinctual way of being. My head gets to take a break and stop overthinking or over analysing everything (which it really needs at times!). Everything feels like it is flowing freely, easily and smoothly … one life event rolls seamlessly into the next and everything feels right.

Talking to my best friend a few weeks ago when I was at a real low, she said that my heart, head and body weren’t aligned and it was like a lightning bolt dose of reality. I knew instantly she was right. I was really stuck in my head, aware that what my heart wanted didn’t match what my body could do, overthinking my current living and employment situations and just going around in circles. I had to really take a step back and think about what was within my immediate control and what I had to just let go of for now.

One of the things within my control recently has been my commitment to physiotherapy. I’ve been paying privately for this since April and, bar a flare up of back pain throughout late June and all of July, have seen some very positive, gradual improvement. That has been in the form of being able to manage the flare up more proactively through “active relaxation” - possibly my favourite phrase of the year so far - as well as slowly building up more strength in both my back and leg. I’ve also learnt far more about my own physiology in that time, including the names of muscles that have been compromised by my condition, why they’re behaving in a particular way and what the exercises I’ve been given are doing to help improve them. Last week we reached the point where my physio Jenny felt we could take a three month break – I have enough knowledge now about the exercises I’m doing that I can progress their difficulty at my own pace and I’m beginning to reap the benefits from them in real life functional ways. Jenny mentioned that some simple movements in water or swimming might be something great to add into the mix, which I was thrilled about. I then mentioned that one of my ultimate goals is to get back to aqua aerobics – an exercise class I used to do weekly when I lived in London but gradually struggled with more and more over the last eight years. We’ve set the target that by my next appointment in November I will have attended a full aqua class. I now have to work out how to gradually build up to that based on the exercises I’m already doing. I have the start and the end – I just need to fill the middle in!

Later in the week I saw my pain management specialist who also mentioned swimming and it just felt like everything was starting to align in a really positive way. To have two of my care providers recommend the same thing is really bloody rare! Mentally, emotionally and physically this has been a pretty tough year and although to many reading this the alignment of two medical professionals sharing the same opinion may seem small or common, I have to say it’s pretty huge for me. Some may say it’s serendipity, others simply a logical outcome of the practical things I’ve been doing – for me I guess it felt like a sign that I’m on the right path. 

I’ve been working so hard to get my health in order, to do the things I know and feel are good for me, such as meditating regularly, doing physio and yoga, journaling and returning to my pain management tools. And it really is hard work, I can’t deny. But now I have a definite sense of things moving into alignment and if in three months time I can smash that hour long aqua aerobics class and continue to maintain the delicate balance of physical, mental and emotional health, god it’ll be worth it.