Toolkit - Gratitude

It might seem laughable, even offensive, to some that in times of pain we have anything to be grateful for. I get that. It’s definitely something I’ve thought over the years and not just always because of the pain itself – sometimes it has been because of my mental health, because of flare-ups, but most generally just the exhaustion that pain and being worn down by it brings about. Now, however, I’d say I’m a bona fide gratitude convert. There’s a lot more to it than cheesy quotes layered over pictures of dreamy sunsets, no matter what Instagram leads you to believe.

There have been a number of scientific studies conducted on this and there is evidence to suggest that bringing awareness to what we are grateful for stimulates parts of the brain that also operate the degrees to which we feel happiness and contentment. There is also the argument that what we give our attention to or direct our energy toward is what we draw towards us, or manifest.

In 2016, after having read quite a bit about gratitude journaling and the benefits it might bring, I decided to give it a go. I aimed for at least three things a day so that even on a bad day I had to really direct my attention to whatever positives I could find. Some days it could be as basic as “Today I am grateful for being able to shower” or “Today I am grateful that the sun was shining” and believe me, sometimes even looking for those very basics was challenging beyond belief. What can you be grateful for on an overcast, raining day in winter when you haven’t even got changed out of your pyjamas because you’re in too much pain and you’re staying in bed anyway? It turns out – plenty! You can be grateful you have a warm, comfortable bed to be resting in. You can be grateful that someone has made you a comforting drink or meal. You can be grateful you have a television or radio in your room to keep you company.

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

As that first year of gratitude journaling went by I found that actually I was feeling more positive about life; I actively looked forward to going to bed so that I could reflect on the day and write down what my bright spots had been. Sometimes there were still only three but sometimes there were ten – the variety in itself was fascinating. At the end of each month I’d read my entries back and write an overall summary of what I was grateful for in that month – that I’d managed to dress myself without help more days than not for example or that I’d been able to reduce a pain med. Reading back over an entire month of positivity is pretty intoxicating let me tell you and I’d wake up the first morning of the next month looking forward to what it would bring.

As these snapshots of my days, months and years have grown I have also found the value in re-reading them as diaries – more detailed than an event title or appointment in my small pocket diary and more evocative of the experiences I’ve had. (Also, as a stationery nerd it gives me an excuse to buy at least one, sometimes two, beautiful notebooks a year in which to treasure those things I am grateful for). 

I do genuinely believe that as I have focused on more and more of the good in my life, so have I attracted more and more of it to me. I have long been a believer in manifesting and the power of attraction, which I will write more about soon, but this has felt like the first step to be taken along more mindfully creating the life I want to lead. Who wouldn’t want to reflect on the best parts of their life? I’m not saying I don’t have days where it’s hard to find the positives; I’m still human and of course sometimes the dark outweighs the light. For example I went through an extremely painful bereavement last year. What do you write on a day someone you love dies? For me, I wrote about the joy they had bought while they lived, the memories I have of them, what I will treasure and hold dear about them and how grateful I am to have had them in my life at all, no matter how short a time it may have felt like. That’s part of my way of honouring them, to write in that way. There are days I am in so much pain but don’t know why and could scream with frustration – obviously that’s not something I’m ever particularly grateful for! But I can say I’m grateful for honouring whatever my body is telling me it needs, whether that be rest, a warm salt bath or plenty of pillows and my heat pad, and that I’m grateful to know that at some point the pain will pass or lessen.

Cultivating this practice consciously, allowing myself to reflect on the many good, special and amazing parts of my life, has allowed me to acknowledge that no matter what I go through, there is always something to be grateful for. I genuinely believe that this is something so many people could benefit from, in particular those living with chronic pain, disabilities or invisible illnesses. Ultimately, that is what this blog is for - arming as many people as possible with the tools that support them to thrive and be happy, no matter what their circumstances.

There are plenty of ready-made gratitude journals now flooding shops around the country – personally I don’t like sticking to the prescribed space given to a day because there are those days that are so wonderful, so joyous and magical that I can devote a page or more to them rather than two or three lines. I’m also not great at writing in bullet points, which many of them seem determined to restrict us to. So my advice would be to get a beautiful notebook, one you want to pick up every day to use and just start writing. Start simple and small if you need to but keep going – consistency really is key. Get into a habit with it and it will soon reward you far beyond that which you could imagine. I promise.